When I read this, I can totally relate. That’s what I’m feeling right now. But I’m semi-burned out.
I’ve been training for my first marathon since December. Day in day out, I had this repetitive mantra in my head.
“ Must train, must train, must train.”
My good days came and went. My blah days came and went. Some days I was so jazzed up to run, you can throw me the heaviest rain, the nastiest carcass on the road, the brightest morning sun, and I’d still be up to do my LSD. Some days I was so not into it, I had to peel myself off the bed, drag my heavy feet, put on my running gear, and even when everything was in optimal conditions, I would still stall and wince and bitch through my long runs.
But I still went through it. Got through it.
Which I guess explains why I am so glad I got my first marathon over with. I’m so done with getting up at 4.30 am for that 19 miler. I’m so done with doing that 80 minute tempo run on the dreadmill. I’m so done with that 12 x 400 m at such such speed.
I can now say : I did that. Done. Fin.
And now I can start over.
Got you there.
Thought I’d quit didn’t you?
Naw, I’m back to running for fun. I’m back to the start of another training program for half marathon. Which means, shorter distance coverage for LSD, shorter tempo runs and shorter speed work. Okay, so maybe the plan is now at a faster pace, but the key word is SHORTER.
Why fret what’s coming in the future ? I’ll enjoy with what I have now.
I’ve pressed that restart button. I’m done being idle for a week. I'm drinking in all the encouragements and brushing off all negativity from anyone, if any. I have big dreams I plan to follow.
Sure, I’ll still be green with envy when I read about your next marathon plan. No, I’m not over that. Roll your eyes all you want and say, “ Get over it, woman”, but I’ll still have a pang of jealousy because you have the guts to do it but I don’t have the will.
But it’s not over. I’ll be back o’ FM, with a vengeance.
And to future virgin marathoners, please don’t be discouraged with my words. My experiences only apply to me. I’m just sharing with what I’ve felt. What I feel. Maybe, in a way I’m giving you a heads up.
It might be different for you. It may be smooth sailing all the way for you. Or it may not be. But bear in mind, your journey is only about to begin. And you have a battle to win. There will be good days, as there will be bad. But I know, you will face all those days with determination. Maybe on some days you will feel like you want to give it up altogether. It’s okay to rest. To do something else. But I know, you’ll be back. The calling will beckon you back.
Don’t let anybody tell you it’s not worth doing. Don’t be afraid of letting the world know your ambition. Shout it out. Call it out loud. It’s okay to have dreams. It's not cockiness talking, but it's your confidence screaming.
Don’t be afraid of people’s negativity. They can say what they say but honestly, do they matter? You will not be defeated by words. Nor of such low self esteem.
And finally, don’t be afraid if you can’t achieve your goals. Who cares with what people say? It’s the effort that matters. At least you tried.
You will achieve your marathon goals. Whatever they are.
Quoting Wally Lamb, " This much, at least, I've figured out. I know this much is true."