Stubborn

The sun is very bright. It's 6 o'clock but it seems more like 3. But the air is cool
I put on my red shoes. Suddenly they look too red. But debating on the right colour of shoes is a lame excuse.
I have to do this today.
I don't feel like smiling to anyone. So I look mostly down. I hear my son calling out for me as I'm rounding the street corner. Too late.Too far to go back. Whatever it is, his father will have to figure it out.
As I move, I hear voices from left and right. I hear cars and motorcycles whiz by. Occasionally, I look up but I stare ahead, not looking at anything in particular.
I spot a regular pakcik who creepily calls out, " Running again? Who's taking care of (my) grandchldren?" every time I run past him. Today, I make no eye contact. I don't even lift up my head. He's smart enough not to say anything this time.
I'm nearing mile 1 but my chest feels heavy. Suddenly I can't breathe. Of all days, please not today.
But it's happening. My bronchioles are closing up. It's been a while since my last exercise induced attack.
 I try to suck in air. But they come is gasps. My feet are still moving. I don't want to stop. If I stop I'll never get this done with. If I stop , it'll be too far and too long to walk back home.
I'll run this out. This will pass.
I keep moving. More slowly. My breathing labored. I see my shadow on the street, following. Its shoulders are slumped, spine not straight, butt jut out too much. My body is automatically posturing itself to get more air in my chest. My shadow looks like an old woman shuffling.
I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
It's annoying how some people spell breathe as breath. You wanna bash them on the head.
I concentrate on my inhale and exhale. In, in, out, out. Sometimes, it's so tight, I have to go Innnnnnn, in, in, out, out a couple of times.
I'm rasping. I hear a slow moan escaping me involuntarily.
My stubborn head tells my feet to go. Brains to feet : Go!
Feet to brains : Lungs won't let us.
Brains to arms: Pump harder!
Arms to brain : Can't! No air.
People whiz by. Boys laughing on their bikes. Girls giggling of their catcalls. I look down. They won't see me panic. They won't see me in desperation.
Mile 2 is nearing. Lilac beeps.
This usually passes. It'll eventually go away. Your bronchioles and alveolus will take their sweet time to open but they will open.
Left, Right, left, right. Put one foot in front of the other, rinse and repeat.
Boy, this is unusually taking a long time. My hands are clammy and I notice I've rolled them in tight fists.
I see a guy on a bike. It has a lovely green frame. Like Granny Smith apples.
Why are green apples Granny Smith's. Who the hell is she?
Last mile. Lung is clearing, Finally. That took too long.
I gather my steps. Try to make myself go faster. I want this over with so bad. Faster is not helping.
I turn into my corner. My neighbors smile at me and I try to smile back.
They had no idea I almost collapsed on the road.
I open my gate. Suddenly realizing I'm breathing almost normal. Almost.
" How was the run?" he asks not looking away from the computer.
Bad.

Sedap tapi takleh jamah

Aku baru terbaca latest posting dari Penonton.
Aku eksited gile. Satu lagi larian di Taiping. Dibuat taim CNY pulak.
Sedappppp...tapi dalam was was. Ibarat coklat chocmint aku nampak kat  kedai tadi. Buy 1 free 1. Tapi takdak tanda halalan toyyiban.

Itu hari taim hari raya ke dua pun depa buat jugak. Anjuran geng-geng yang sama la.
Taim tu Mr JJ a.k.aWanWon join. Raya tak raya dia join je. Alasan dia larian tu start awal dan abih lebih kurang pukoi 9. Sape nak datang rumah awal-awal cam tu, ye dak?
Anyway, hati terasa macam nak join. Tapi tak tak besnya start dia pukoi 6.00 pagi. Subuh pun agak-agak taim tu masuk dalam 6.15 minit. Maksudnya nak kena solat tengah jalan. Kalau LSD dekat-dekat ngan taman rumah kami tu boleh le singgah rumah solat. Ni tengah-tengah Taman Tasik, lalu taman perumahan banyak anjing yang kiri kanan dok nyalak woof woof.
Lain le kalau aku boleh pulun buat 18K dalam sejam. Sempat la solat Subuh lepas abis lari. Tapi kasut merahku tu bukan kasut bionik dan aku pun takdela rupa macam Bionic Woman. isk.

Pastu kalau ikut route taim raya hari tu, puh boleh tahan woo. Wan Won penah bawak aku ke route tu ( ngan keta la). Naik turun bukit curam ntah berapa kali. Ngalahkah NB 30K tahun lepas yang amat menyerikkan aku.
Pastu sebabkan ini kira group LSD , route ni takdak marker. So hari tu kan, ade orang tu kan, dia sesat sampai Tesco kan...heh heh.. ( Jangan marah ye )

Tapi bab air n refreshments tu mmg tip top. Penganjur ni memang bes. Ala-ala KakJune gitu sebab bagik je air/isotonics/refreshments for free kali ni. Dia nye ketua tu mmg otai in running. Walaupun otai ,tapi timing marathon dia biasanya 3:30. Agaknya kalau aku komplen route tu bukit bakau, mesti dia kata , " Where got hills, meh? Route flat like pankek what?"

Tapi yang interested nak join , jangan la berubah pikiran lepas baca post ni. Ni saje je gatai-gatai aku cari alasan. Kalau korang nak buat, boleh je. Jangan jadi macam aku. Aku ni bila tak sign up untuk race lagi mula la jadi pemaleh. LSD skarang ni jadik SSD. Takat 4 mile je. Kalau dapat 6 miles pun kira alhamdulillah.
Larian Taiping CNY ni kan route dia mencabar, company dia bes, air disediakan dan yang penting semua free. Heh heh.
Aku banyak alasan kan?
Nak join, join je la ye dak?
Ntahla, yang penting larian tu free.( agak aku dah ulang 3 kali dah)
Who knows, maybe I'll change my mind.

* what? 2 postings in 2 days? JJ sudah maju.

Super Short

What a hectic Monday today turned out to be. Work was hell. I had to remind myself I signed up for this so apa2 pun I have to bear with it.
Sigh.

Anyway, it's really screwed up among orang-orang kita when somebody goes to work riding a bicycle, people will pity him, call him quirky or assume that he's too poor to buy a decent vehicle.
But once he dons a helmet, he is automatically the uber awesome urban dude, too cool to care,with a sole mission to save the planet from the green house effect.

I don't mean anybody in particular here.
I'm just saying.

And it's really screwed up that just because I run, people in the office expect me to sign up for games like badminton, volley ball and even karom (?). They claim, " You're an ATHLETE! You should smoke this."

(Athlete? Ya Rabbi, memalukan aku je)
Yeah, right.
Next time there's an opening for water polo, sign me up please.

Mom gets emotional.

And it's another new year.
( Sorry it took me 5 days to post this)
I've been busy with settling the kids' school stuff.. It's weird but we parents tend to worry too much about our kids when they're really doing fine.
My mom tells me, " Leave 'em. If they cry, nanti penat diorang diam la tu."
And I remember when we were kids, my parents could never take leave to get us settled at school as they were teachers themselves( in another school), so they just took us  to our classrooms and left us, trusting the teachers. And we survived.

But with my boy I had to be sure. I mean, he just turned 6 ,two weeks ago and he's the youngest and not to mention one of the smallest in his class -in an all boys school. I had to be sure he knows his class, where to go pee-pee,that  he remembers his lunch is in the lunch box, that wandering during learning time is a no-no..etc etc.

We didn't stick there long. I know teachers are annoyed of the parents ogling at their kids and giving out loud instructions on how to color the octopus from the classroom window.
So we got him to his seat, told him to be a good boy  and went home, hoping for the best.
When we went back at recess, he was running around with his friends, bolting up and down the stairs and having a blast at it.
" Did you take your sandwich?"
" Yes."
" Where did you keep your lunch box?" his dad asked.
" In my bag"
" We're going home now, okay." I said, a hint of sadness ached in my heart.
"Okay, bye." And off he went running.

He's fine. I know he is.
I'm just sad that he grew up so soon.

Yesterday I planned to go back to work today but I thought what the heck, today I'll spend one more day off for some bonding time with my little girl.  I figure we'll go out later for lunch, get a haircut and go shopping. She'd like that.
At least I owe her that after she quietly busied herself while I spent 45 minutes on the thrillmill just now.

Dia paling rendang ( as in the tree and not the hari raya dish) 

Sorry, Ben 10 bags are for nerds..hehe ( kata papa la) 

Laa...makbapak pun sebok la nak beratur sama

His beginning of 11 great years at school.